Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
