i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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