Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
