you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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