when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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