Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
