I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
