fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
