I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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