he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
