I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
