dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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