what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
