Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have tasted many bathrooms
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
