My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
