fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
