i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
