my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
