his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
