I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
