so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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