No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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