Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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