Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
