we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
