i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
