If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
