Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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