Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
