this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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