Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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