Kiss
Puke
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
