i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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