I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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