Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
