Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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