I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ruined the universe
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
