I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
