How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
