The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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