the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
