Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
