I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
