how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
