Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
