can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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