I feel great
I just peed on a car
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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