I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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