Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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