i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
