Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
