I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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