I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
