that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
