You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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