she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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